Nurses make Joe Biden move by breathing into his nostrils

Social media came alive on Wednesday when former vice president Joe Biden told yet another of his infamously confounding stories that had nurses across the country flummoxed.

The presumed Democratic presidential nominee was participating virtually in a roundtable with the Service Employees International Union (SEIU), including members Ambar Arellano, a janitor from Seattle Washington and nursing home worker Shanrika Nelson. He was discussing his plans to support caregivers when he veered off into a strange personal recollection.

“First of all, let me say to you that if there are any angels in heaven, they’re all nurses, male and female. I spent a total of seven months and three months in ICU,” he recalled.

“I watched them take care of my son who was dying of a glioblastoma for 14 months. I watched them when my wife and daughter were killed, bring my boys back because they were in the same automobile when the tractor-trailer hit them. And as I said earlier, doctors let you live, nurses make you want to live. You have that special thing.”

“You give hope, the mere fact that you’re there. You guys don’t even, I think, sometimes realize it. You lie there and you look at that screen in the ICU and you know if the line goes flat, you’re gone. But you don’t care after a while. You don’t really care, even if you’re not in pain, you just get tired of it.”

 “And I had a nurse at a — nurses at Walter Reed hospital who would bend down and whisper in my ear— go home and get me pillows. They would make sure — actually, probably nothing ever taught in — you can’t do it in COVID time, but they’d actually breathe in my nostrils to make me move, to get me moving.”

Several registered nurses commented on Twitter that they are totally unfamiliar with this kind of specialized treatment and have never observed their fellow nurses performing pillow deliveries from home or breathing into a patient’s nostrils to initiate movement. The nurses worked in various units at hospitals around the country, caring for the critically ill, including patients in intensive care units and pediatric wards.

Biden must have gotten tired of his rival President Donald Trump bragging about a test designed to screen for early signs of dementia which he took at Walter Reed. Trump has openly expressed his view that the former vice president’s outrageous ramblings must be related to a loss of cognitive ability.

The president has brought up the test several times in interviews this week, trying to goad Biden into taking one. “I asked the doctor, I said, ‘Is there some kind of a cognitive test that I could take? Because I’ve been hearing about it, because I want to shut these people up,” Trump told Fox News medical contributor Dr. Marc Siegel at the White House on Wednesday.

“We have to be sharp. If you’re in the office of the presidency, we have to be sharp,” he said.

“Honestly, he should take the test,” Trump said. “In a way he has an obligation to, because you have to be able to show this country that the person that we’re picking as leader is sharp.”

Unfortunately this bizarre new Biden story only adds to the public’s suspicions that he does not have the mental capacity to be president.