Enemies stunned after Trump tests negative for coronavirus

President Donald Trump’s adversaries were prostrate on the fainting couch after his coronavirus test came back negative on Saturday night.

The White House physician carefully explained, for the mentally challenged and emotionally overwrought, that the test result means he does not have the virus.

“Last night after an in-depth discussion with the President regarding COVID-19 testing, he elected to proceed,” Dr. Sean Conley said in a release. “This evening I received confirmation that the test is negative.”

“One week after having dinner with the Brazilian delegation in Mar-a-Lago, the President remains symptom-free,” he noted. “I have been in daily contact with the CDC [Centers for Disease Control and Prevention] and White House Coronavirus Task Force, and we are encouraging the implementation of all their best practices for exposure reduction and transmission mitigation.”

The media reeled in shock, disbelief and consternation as the news broke. Some news anchors were stuttering and visibly shaken, reading the breaking news in a halting fashion as if there must be a mistake.

 CNN’s White House Correspondent Boris Sanchez relayed the shocking news At 7:22 P.M. Eastern Time. “Just moments ago a memorandum was put out by Stephanie Grisham, White House Press Secretary from the White House,” said Sanchez. “I want to read to you a portion of it now, this coming from the White House physician.

“He states that last night after an in-depth discussion with President Trump regarding COVID-19, the coronavirus, the president elected to proceed with the test for coronavirus. The White House physician Sean Connoly writing, ‘This evening I received confirmation that the test is negative.’ The test that was done on President Trump for coronavirus apparently negative,” said Sanchez.

“This after the president came into contact with multiple people at his Mar-a-Lago Resort last weekend who ultimately tested positive for the virus. Also this coming just less than 24 hours after that same White House physician put out a letter detailing why the president would not be getting a coronavirus test. Kind of baffling stuff,” said Sanchez.

 “I believe we have Kristen Holmes at the White House now is that right? Kristen this is great news. Happy to hear that President Trump is healthy and that he is fine. Still sort of baffling that the White House isn’t providing more of an explanation for this …  more of a timetable … kind of brings to mind questions about the management of all of this, the messaging, in a crisis,” Sanchez wondered.

“Well that’s absolutely right,” said National Correspondent  Kristen Holmes. “We just talked about this moments ago. The idea that there has been an escalation not just in the response by the administration to the coronavirus across the board, declaring of a national emergency, but also to the precautions that have been taken around President Trump.”

“We’ve seen him for days,” said Holmes. “We’ve asked is he going to get a test. We’ve seen person after person that he has come into some sort of contact with test positive for coronavirus, or people that he is very close to being in very close proximity to people who then test positive, and the more we asked the more President Trump continued to say, ‘Well I’m going to keep doing what I’m doing…'” she said.

Trump haters around the country sank into states of anger and depression. Some even suggested his doctor’s report was falsified and questioned Dr. Conley’s credentials.

Doctors have been on virtually every network informing the public that people who are not exhibiting COVID-19 symptoms do not need to take the test. The president was not experiencing any symptoms, therefore, based on the guidelines, he did not need the test. The White House painstakingly explained that he elected to take it. The president reportedly said he did it because the media was “crazy.”

The Washington Post ran a detailed exposé on Friday, video included, pointing out that the president touched a microphone and shook hands or patted the backs of the members of the coronavirus task force at least 31 times during his press conference that afternoon.

MSNBC host Nicole Wallace also noted that evening that the president met with a Brazilian delegation last weekend and was photographed standing next to an aide that became infected with coronavirus. Miami Mayor Francis Suarez also tested positive for COVID-19 after meeting with the delegation.

“He was, today, on a stage shaking hands, touching hand-to-hand, with the CEOs of four major companies and the entire coronavirus task force,” Wallace said.

“It’s just stunning. Donald Trump says he doesn’t have any symptoms, but he could be positive.”

“It’s irrational,” said Dr. Irwin Redlener, Director of the National Center of Disaster Preparedness.

“Is it dangerous?!” Wallace asked.

“Of course it’s dangerous,” Redlener claimed, “because any one of those people, if he has it, or any of the others have it, they’re doing exactly what we’re telling people not to do.”

“The president’s health is of international concern,” Wallace said. “We are all his constituents, we all have a right to know if the president is positive or negative for coronavirus.”

The media carefully noted that a negative test on Saturday did not mean the president was in the clear, and he could still have contracted the virus.