Bloomberg couldn’t buy ‘grey matter’ to ace debate

Former New York Mayor Michael Bloomberg finally paid the Democratic Party machine enough filthy lucre to earn a spot on the debate stage with the grown-up presidential candidates on Wednesday night.

He had been running an unconventional primary campaign, skipping the first four states while running a quarter-billion dollars’ worth of political advertising that made him look good.

He was gaining momentum with his diabolical plan and a few rule changes later the Democratic National Committee carved him a pathway into the debate. He had arrived ⁠— appearing for the first time alongside the other 2020 presidential hopefuls at the Paris Theater in Las Vegas.

Unfortunately the diminutive 5’8″ billionaire couldn’t measure up to his campaign’s hype. He started shrinking in the harsh glare of the spotlight right before our eyes. Mini Mike, as President Donald Trump loves to call him, had too much explaining to do.

As he took the stage he was looking like the proverbial deer in the headlights. Massachusetts Senator Elizabeth Warren threw an immediate right hook, forcing him to answer questions about his record of denigrating women.

 “I’d like to talk about who we’re running against, a billionaire who calls women fat broads and horse-faced lesbians. And no I’m not talking about Donald Trump, I’m talking about Mayor Bloomberg,” said Warren.

‘I’ll support whoever the Democratic nominee is. But understand this, Democrats take a huge risk if we just substitute one arrogant billionaire for another,”  she said.

Warren filleted the former mayor like a New York Strip steak  for refusing to release women from the nondisclosure agreements with his company regarding complaints of a hostile working environment.

The media boss said if anybody does anything wrong at his company, ‘we investigate it and if it’s appropriate, they’re gone that day.’ He bragged about the many women in power at Bloomberg L.P. 

“I heard you heard what his defense was: “I’ve been nice to some women,” Warren said. “That just doesn’t cut it. The mayor has to stand on his record. What we need to know is exactly what’s lurking out there.”

She asked Bloomberg how many NDAs were in existence.

“We have a very few nondisclosure agreements,” said Bloomberg.

 “How many is that?” she demanded.

“None of them accuse me of doing anything other than maybe they didn’t like a joke I told,” Bloomberg said meekly.

By the time she was done Mini Mike seemed to be asking himself, “What just happened? Where am I?”

 Vermont Senator Bernie Sanders lambasted Bloomberg for  targeting African Americans for his “Stop and Frisk” crime prevention program in New York.

In 2015  while giving a speech to an elitist audience of 400 at the Aspen Institute in Aspen, Colorado Bloomberg said, “it’s controversial, but first thing is, all of your — 95 percent of your murders, murderers and murder victims, fit one M.O. You can just take the description, Xerox it and pass it out to all the cops. They are male minorities, 15 to 25. That’s true in New York. It’s true in virtually every city. And that’s where the real crime is. You’ve got to get the guns out of the hands of the people that are getting killed.”

Sanders attacked the former mayor’s ‘racist’ policies, arguing  it would prevent him from building a winning Democratic coalition.

‘In order to beat Donald Trump we’re going to need the largest voter turnout in the history of the United States. Mr. Bloomberg had policies in New York City of stop and frisk, which went after African-American and Latino people in outrageous ways, that is not a way you can grow voter turnout,’ Sanders argued.

The notoriously elitist mayor found out the hard way debating required practice and prowess. It wasn’t quite as easy as farming the Bloomberg way. He is infamous for glorifying thinking and analytic skills over farming while speaking to an audience at the Saïd Business School at the University of Oxford in England in November 2016. “You dig a hole, you put a seed in, you put dirt on top, you add water, up comes corn,” he claimed.

In the information economy, Bloomberg instructed, “the skill sets that you have to learn are how to think and analyze. And that is a whole degree level different,” he said. “You have to have a different skill set. You have to have a lot more gray matter. It’s not clear the teachers can teach or the students can learn. And so the challenge of society is to find jobs for these people … “

Mini Mike seems to be facing his own intellectual challenge. He doesn’t have the gray matter to be president.